My mother says, “When you gonna live your life right?”
Oh mother dear we’re not the fortunate ones
And girls, they wanna have fun
Oh girls just want to have fun

Cyndi Lauper

My door was locked, double-bolted! Drapes were pulled closed, and there I sat hiding in my bedroom. I wanted to be left alone, safe in my own personal fortress of solitude. It is not that I was an abused and neglected 12-year-old boy by any means. Oh no, I was hiding because my sister was having another one of her dreaded sleep-overs with her crazy friends.

It may not sound that bad, just a normal brother and sister relationship, but for me, there was an added twist.

Let me give you some background: My sister Stephanie is one year older than me, but because we moved so much when we were young we ended up being in the same grade from 3rd grade on up to High School. That meant all of the girls in her grade where also the same girls that were in my grade. And so when she had a sleepover, the same girls I could barely talk to in class because I was nervous or had crushes on were coming to our house for a whole night of giddy, giggling junior high girl zaniness. Oh, the misery!

For a shy guy like me, my sister’s sleepovers were my worst dream coming true. How could life get any worse? So I stayed in lockdown in my room. 

But then it happened, there was a knock at my door, and then two giggly and sweetsy voices were calling my name, “Chris, are you in there?” I tried to remain calm, and I made sure I stayed quiet. “Chris, we need you. We are playing a game with pairs and right now we have odd numbers, come on out and play…giggle, giggle.” Again, I didn’t answer, and then my sister Steph started pounding, no giggling with her, just the strong demands of an older sister, “Chris, get out here, you need to play, right now!” I knew if I didn’t come out she wouldn’t let up and she knew how to embarrass her little brother in front of the other girls.

So I opened the door and there were my insistent sister and two smiling girls who clapped and waved me down to follow them to the large game room. My mom was leading the girls in some party games and they were playing “Mummy Wrap” to win a prize. It involves teams of two and so they needed me to join a team with one of the girls who had no partner. Just my rotten luck! So I was the mummy and one of the girls wrapped me with toilet paper. The team that wrapped the first full mummy won some candy.

But being the only boy invited into the secret drama and emotion of this party filled with crazy girls was eye-opening. There I was being wrapped in toilet paper, while the other girls were trying to impress each other, especially now a cute guy was inserted in the party. (Yes, I was the cute guy…at least that is what I heard whispered as I was being wrapped up). But after a while they forgot I was there, it must have been my mummy disguise, and they started chattering about with each other. Junior high girls talk a lot! 

This was not like a guys sleepover that I was used to because guys just play basketball with the lights on until they are told to go to bed. Not much communication goes on with the group. But my sister’s party taught me something interesting about how girls communicate with each other; talking is how they jockey for position within the group. As a 12-year-old boy, I discovered two principles concerning the social dynamics with girls, and dare I say it, that I believe can still be applied to grown women in a group as well…

1. Girls, for some odd reason, seem to compete for who is the controlling thought leader in the group. The thought leader is usually the one who is seen as the most popular. Popularity, especially for junior highers, is based on two qualities, beauty and biting humor. The quick fearless wit (like Rizzo in Grease) or pretty, laughing, quirky, fun girl gains the leadership role. 
2. And then to be considered in good standing in the group there is “group think” that is centered around what the popular girl and her entourage think. If you want to be in, align yourself with the popular group. If you don’t align yourself,  you will quickly feel like an outsider. Even if the funny girl is rude and crude and most of what she says is baloney, you still need to laugh if you want to fit in.

You may say that guys have leaders too, which they do, but they do not use words as women do. And guys tend to be more simple and direct about the subject at hand. I would also say guys are not as “group think” driven as girls, they don’t care as much about being included as girls do.

So jump forward 40 years. Yesterday I was asked by a female friend to review a book called “Girl, Go Wash Your Face” written by a lady named Rachel Hollis. I had no idea who she was, and the person told me “Really? She is pretty popular and she is plastered everywhere.” (Notice the phrase popular) So I read her book and I also read up on what some other writers thought about her teaching.

Here is what Tim Challis, a very reputable Christian book reviewer says about the book: “Here is the book in short: The great truth every woman needs to know is that she, and she alone, is responsible for her happiness. Happiness (defined as contentment, optimism, gratitude, the appearance of perfection, and enjoyment of 90 percent of life), depends upon identifying and destroying whatever lies she believes about herself. To do this, she must take hold of the power she has within. When she fails, she should take comfort that at least she made the effort and determine she will try harder next time. The big takeaway is this: Try harder! And when that fails: Try even harder! And when that fails, try again!”

He then gives the main problem with her book, “It has long been my observation that there are two kinds of books being marketed to Christians. There are some whose foundational message is what you need to do and others whose foundational message is what Christ has already done. The first make a model out of the author, the second makes a model out of Jesus. The first place the burden for change on personal power while the second place the burden for change on Christ’s power. It is clear that Girl, Wash Your Face falls squarely in the first category.”

That should be the end of the discussion, another self-help piece of rubbish. At least it would be for most guys because her sentiments are not really biblical at all. But remember, this book is written for women and as I said earlier, they operate differently. If you notice what the person who read the book said to me, it is very telling, “She is pretty popular and she is plastered everywhere.” Did you get that, if a large group of ladies, usually cool and hip ladies, are reading her, I better read her too. As a junior high party, she is the person you want to listen to and agree with if you want to be on the “in group”.

Her writing is like listening in on a girl’s party, her chapters seem to always start with trendy and fashionable prose. Chapter One begins, “I peed my pants last week…” Oh, she is so cool and funny. Chapter Three: “I feel the need to confess…I shave my toes.” See how quirky she is, so honest! Chapter Seven: “I used to be really bad at sex. Whoa, Nelly!” See, she is being so transparent which makes her so likable, can’t you hear the other girls at the party, “I can relate with Rachel.”

And then there is her cover. Take a look at it…so fun, playful, and most of all, uber-chic.

Guys just don’t take pictures like that, where they sit under a fake fire hydrant and laugh like the whole world is watching and laughing along. This is a junior high girl’s party picture if I ever saw one. And then subtly sprinkled throughout the book are little things, here and there, that show you why she should be the leader of the group, really, no one can compete with how vogue she is:

• Page xii “It’s why I researched thirty different ways to clean out your front-load washer before I taught my tribe how to do it. It’s why I know the perfect ratio of balsamic and citrus to make your pot roast taste amazing. Sure, I cover a whole host of topics using my online platform, but ultimately they boil down to one thing: these are the elements of my life, and I want to do them well.” Seriously, no one knows the perfect ratio of balsamic and citrus. No one researches thirty different ways to clean out a front-end loader…no one in their right mind has the time. But Rachel does. Because she is AMAZING!
• Page 71-72 “I am a recovering workaholic…Even now I am typing this workaholic chapter at 5:37 a.m. in the morning because waking up to get my word count in at five o’clock is the only way I can manage to write books, run a media company, and raise a family at the same time…I love my job.” She is Wonder Woman telling women not to be Wonder Woman…easy for her to say when she is leading the popular group. What happens when you are not popular and you hate your job? Just “Try harder, you go girl!”

The whole point I am getting to is that there is this subtle feeling as you read her book, that if I am a woman and I don’t agree with Rachel, I will not be in the “in-group” anymore. And in our world, not being “in” is far worse than not being “right.” 

That is where chapter 19 comes in. Yesterday, Sunday, June 30th, Rachel posted on her Facebook page this statement concerning her book, “I get asked a lot about my ‘19’ tattoo and what it stands for. 19 stands for chapter 19 of my book Girl, Wash Your Face. Chapter 19 was the one that the publisher removed from the book and refused to publish because I wrote about my friends who were gay… they told me that including the story was too controversial and would offend a conservative audience.” 

She was devastated, so she got up some of her deep hidden courage and she took charge as the strongest woman in the group should, “I threatened to sue, I fought and fought and fought and finally, they agreed to keep chapter 19 in the book. They agreed to publish the lie ‘There’s Only One Right Way to Be’ where I spoke about diversity and inclusion and inviting everyone to share a seat at your table… you know, just like Jesus would do. To celebrate, me and the same friends I was writing about all went and got ‘19’ on our wrist to remind us to always fight for what’s right and to use our platforms to speak the truth and testify to love.  Today I want to speak it once again to all of my #lgbtq friends here on facebook. You are LOVED. You are WORTHY. You are beautifully and wonderfully made and you are always, ALWAYS welcomed here. We’re so proud to know you. We’re so proud to call you our friend. Love you 🤟🏻 #pride”

Isn’t that great, her cool group got 19 tattooed on their wrist. This was the part that made my friend confused, she wrote to me, “I read Rachel’s post and I just don’t think Jesus would think that is okay…Am I wrong with understanding this? Do they, (followers of Rachel implied), even read God’s word or just follow society?”

She is asking the right question. If it was a matter of theology the answer would be easy, Jesus and the Bible clearly consider homosexuality a sin. If you don’t believe me, then you don’t know Jesus and his word. But if life is really nothing more than a matter of being accepted at the girl’s junior high party, sentiment will win over the truth every time.

It says on the front cover that her book is #1 on the New York Times Bestseller List. That is great, read it and you will be included in the “in group” at the party. But the Bible always seems to say that the wide road, the popular road, doesn’t lead you to the right destination in the long run. Parties are fun, and having the popular group like you is also fun, but is fun and happiness why we are here?

On the back of the book, one comment sums up perfectly how many women think in our society, listen closely, “There aren’t enough women in leadership telling other women to GO FOR IT…Girl, Wash Your Face is a dose of high-octane straight talk that will spit you out on the other end, chasing down dreams you hung up long ago. Love this girl.” See, Rachel is the power player at the party, the cool girl, listen to her and you will go places.

But if you choose to listen to Biblical truth, and a man named Jesus, and you will be set free.